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Thursday, March 16th, 2006

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:5:13 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
I'm content with my life, yet completely unhappy at the same time. There's nothing I really want for, but I want so much more. Not material things. Emotional, soulful things. Escape. Escape from the monotony of everyday life. To sleep til noon and not have to get up, not have to do anything If i don't want to. Honestly, I don't think I've smiled out of hapiness in so long. Yes, I smile. When something is funny or when people expect me to be "happy." No one can tell the difference. They don't bother to look deep enough. Its rare for me to smile out of genuine personal happiness.

I love Pat. Really I do. Just sometimes I feel constrained. Like I can only hang out with other people, or do things I want to do that he doesn't when he's not home. Only do things of personal interest while he's working or preoccupied. Granted we only get 2 weekends together a month. But what about me? He's got 2 weekends to do whatever his heart desires, of his own personal interest. Sometimes I just want to run away. Far, far away. Since I bought my laptop I've TAKEN time for myself every night. Patrick feels slighted, I can tell byt the way he acts and looks at me. you know what thoguh, I need it. For years I have catered to his every whim. Shoved my interests aside for him. I can't do it anymore. I will go insane, if I'm not already there. Victoria isn't much better. She thinks because she's jobless and bored that when we get home our world should revolve around her ass. We're there for her entertainment. Well "NEWS FLASH" Get a fucking job, then maybe you'll understand what it is to want to relax and unwind after work.

Even with all this newly rediscovered me time, there's something missing. Some hole in my soul that needs to be filled. With that, though? I have yet to figure that out

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

<-xX2 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:5:57 pm.
Mood: thoughtful.
There's something strange inside me. Some nameless, faceless, emotionally charged thing inside my soul. I love seemingly "crazy" people. Everyone I meet at work in the 5 south ward is amazing. I relate to them on this level I've rarely reached with most other beings. Tamilla, my crazy turkish love! She's got the most beautifully extravagant soul. I could talk to her for hours and never be bored. Intelligent and exciting! Menkeo, You beautiful cambodian poet of spirit! He thinks he's so imperfect. He is perfect though! Everything about him. We will most definitely be keeping in touch, I promise you that! Emails from Tamilla make me so happy inside. Istanbul was Constantinople!

I love my job and hate it all at the same time. Boring some days, exhilarating others! Depends onthe person I am with at the time. If I could be in Jane Brown 5 South everyday I'd work as often as possible!




ERIN! I miss you. I can't even express it. I only wish I had more to talk about with you. But I just can't seem to find anything interesting to say or any suggestions on where to go. We need to go on vacation together or something. Just being in your presence brightens my day. I love you so very much, with all my heart and soul!!! I just hope you know that.

Thursday, February 16th, 2006

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:11:48 am.
I had my wisdom teeth extracted on Monday. Eating is a chore, I'm doped up on vicodin and my face looks like a freaking bowling ball. My head is pounding because I slept too much and when I take my pain meds it makes me want to sleep more. My headache is so much more painful than my jaw or gums.

I hate medication. It makes me sick to my stomach. I feel cocked all the time.

Tuesday, January 24th, 2006

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:12:54 pm.
Mood: cheerful.
Mmmm, I love going to the dentist. :) The staff at my dentist's office are soo friendly and nice. They make getting a cleaning super fun. The whole place is like uber-girly. You can watch television while they clean, drill, fill whatever. Plus they always give ya little sample thingies, like tooth whitener. However the best part is I get the day off work! whooo!!! I got to sleep in. I work too much, I need a vacation. Go somewhere warm and tropical.

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:9:33 am.
Mood: blah.
This is meant for one person alone...I don't update frequently because I actually have to WORK for a living. I don't have all the free time in the world to fuck around on the computer. When I do have time to do whatever, I choose to go out and do things. So yeah I tend to neglect my journals. Oh well. They will be there when I get around to it.



Yay! Dentist here I come. Scrape my teeth clean bitch!

Monday, January 9th, 2006

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:5:23 pm.
Mood: amused.
You scored as Art. You should be an Art major! How bohemian!

</td>

Art

100%

Dance

100%

Psychology

100%

English

75%

Sociology

75%

Theater

67%

Anthropology

67%

Linguistics

67%

Journalism

58%

Philosophy

50%

Biology

42%

Engineering

17%

Chemistry

8%

Mathematics

8%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Friday, December 2nd, 2005

<-xX5 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:1:29 pm.
Mood: excited.
Whooooooooooo! HOOOOOOOOO!
I FINALLY bought a new car. Freaking brand spankin new! I feel like i'm going to jump out of my skin i'm so happy.
It's a 2005 Grand Am, champagne/goldish in color. Mmm...I love cars.

My New Whip

Thursday, November 24th, 2005

<-xX3 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Subject:Baby Jew
Time:1:03 pm.
Mood: happy.
Baby Jew

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:12:27 pm.
Mood: awake.
Monotony is dead.

Thanksgiving is worthless.

Days off from work rock my world.

I love sleep. I love my bed. And I love pillows....lots and lots of pillows.



Cosmos are delicious, Especially with raspberry vodka.

A nice fat blunt to top off the meal.

Kittens are perfect.

Sauteing onions make my eyes water so much the tears drip down my face like a free-flowing faucet.


Chill air feels good only in small doses.

Sweet corn ont he cob is the icing ont he cake.

Baby Jew has the best coloring.

I love him.

Thursday, November 17th, 2005

<-xX2 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:9:37 am.
Mood: crazy.
This Is My Life, Rated
Life:
6.2
Mind:
5.6
Body:
4.8
Spirit:
4.1
Friends/Family:
5
Love:
9.2
Finance:
7.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Wednesday, November 16th, 2005

<-xX3 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:6:52 pm.
I've been reflecting lately on the situations that have transpired these past few months. Most of what happened I think was meant to happen for one particular reason or another. Especially the Jasmine issue. I hope she learns something from all this. Even though she blames everything on me, I still care about her.

Another issue is my need for me time. I never get much. A hour here or there. That's not enough though. I need at least an entire day to myself, just to maintain my sanity. Sadness envelopes me.

<-xX1 Spanking -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:6:06 pm.
Mood: angry.
Eysenck's Test Results
Extraversion (16%) very low which suggests you are extremely reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and private.
Neuroticism (68%) moderately high which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Psychoticism (90%) very high which suggests you are overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense too often of the well being of others.
Take Eysenck Personality Test (similar to EPQ-R)
personality tests by similarminds.com
<td> <table border="0" width="450" bgcolor="#000000">
Night Elf Druid

f-ne.jpgdruid.jpg


Night Elves are the sexiest of the bunch. They're the hot flower children of Warcraft: at one with nature, and dancing all the while.

As a druid, you tend to be relaxed and accepting - though if there is something you don't want to do, then you won't do it - simple as that. You're an easygoing and versatile person.


Find out your real-life WoW race and class at QuizGalaxy.com
</td>
</table>

Monday, October 24th, 2005

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:3:44 pm.
Mood: amused.
Went to NYC on Friday. It was awesome! I have pictures of homeless people, thier beds, Orthodox Jews!!!!! and cute little chink children. Oh..and a garbage barge! New York at its very BEST! We saw the Statue of Liberty and all that jazz. You know the usual NY things not worth mentioning. Much fun was had.

Had new tires put on my Peon, so now at least I won't slide all over the road and the like. Nothing really worth mentioning. I work most of the time. Reading alot while at work.

Monday, October 3rd, 2005

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:10:40 am.
Mood: sick.
I feel so shitty today. My cold has only gotten worse since Friday. The sneezing and coughing never ceases. I feel cold then hot, then cold. I'm sick of being sick!! At least it gets me a couple days outta work though! whoo!

Friday was my cousin's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful. They held the ceremony at the Watch Hill Chapel, overlooking the ocean. The bride was like a barbie doll. She's like the epitome of perfection. Her gown was lovely, long and flowing. At the reception I swear everyone was getting cocked. heh Of course it was open bar! Whoo! I had a few drinks, not too much though. A couple toasted almonds and a cosmo. Much fun was had!

Saturday I saw Corpse Bride with Pat, Squish and Ryan. It wasn't as good as I had hoped, but it wasn't bad either. Just slightly disappointing. Afterwards, we had to stop at the pet shop. My hermit crabs were attacked by my kitties and thier cage had been broken in the process. Some music store was next door to the pet shop so we stopped in there too. Ryan played with a few of the guitars, he's a musician so to speak. All that shopping made us hungry so we had to stop at Hometown Buffet. Mmm...super delicious.

Wen't back to Ryan's house for a little bit. Erin called me, she wanted to go on a haunted hayride. We went, but it wasn't quite what I was expected. It was super cheesy, But we had fun otherwise. Acting like assholes. You know how it goes.

Sunday was uneventful, My sickness had progressed and I was feeling super shitty. As I still do now. My chest aches and my head feels like it's swollen to the size of a watermelon. Congested like a motherfucker.

All in all my weekend was both great and shitty. heh.

Thursday, September 29th, 2005

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:6:13 pm.
Mood: amused.
<td align="center">

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

<-xX4 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:10:40 am.
Mood: happy.
At work on a hour and ahalf break. I was really surprised that they gave me a break for this long. My patients mother showed up and she has to speak with a social worker. She told me to go on break. I wasn't gonna say anything. I needed a break anyway. The kid I was watching is slightly retarded i guess. He took like 6 showers in the span of 2 and half hours. He's just sooo entertained by the water. I haven't the slightest idea why. I'm so happy to be working, but not working. Getting paid to play on th einternet. Haha! This is fabulous. Anyway I'm gonna go have a cigarette then eat something. I doubt they'll give me lunch after this.

Monday, September 26th, 2005

<-xX1 Spanking -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:8:51 am.
Mood: happy.
Erin, I love you! Thanks for sending me this. It brought a huge smile to my face!


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

<-xX5 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:8:22 am.
Mood: sad.
I feel so alone all the time. Even when I'm with people. Sorta feels like I'm looking through a plate glass window at my own life. I'm just a spectator. If only I could free myself from this. I want...no I need some stability and control in my life.

Prisoner of My Own Mind

I did this quick sketch while at work in the Psych Ward.

Friday, September 16th, 2005

<-xXSpank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:8:21 pm.
Mood: depressed.
I hate everyone who can't fucking drive. I was literally STOPPED on I-95. At a stand-still. It's a god damned interstate. The traffic should never be stopped unless there's contruction or an accident. There was neither. Fucking retards. Really pisses me off. Especially after having worked all day and then some because incompetent morons can't show up to work ON TIME. God For-fucking-bid. Not to mention I was in the Psych Ward all day having to walk some insane lady sleep. I wasn't allowed to read, or draw or watch t v or anything. I had to stay right up her ass, all day long. I paced the room for 3 hours while she slept. The aggravation level is immense.
Thank goodness I have this weekend off, I don't know how I'd react if I had to go in tomorrow. I'd probably maim someone...no, more like several people.


Some days I wake up ready to die,
No ambition to leave my bed,
A filmy glaze over my eye,
Soliloquies bouncing 'round in my head,

"Fuck this shit, and everyone
in it. I wonder whats beyond
this life?"

Torrents of depressing thoughts,
Wisps of hair fall in my face,
If only I could win these internal bouts,
No one can find me in this place,

"I'm trapped inside, someone
let me out! Help me to escape
myself!"

Tears rolls down my cheek,
Conscious acts of self-hate,
Why am I so weak?
Torment that won't abate.

Wednesday, September 7th, 2005

<-xX3 Spankings -xXx- Spank Me, I've Been NaughtyXx->

Time:9:37 am.
Mood: amused.
Again I am in a room with a computer while at work. I have 2 patients today. Both ladies and super sweet. They sleep more than anyone I know. Mostly because they're sooo medicated. One of the ladies keeps coughing up blood and a lot of it. I can't bare to watch. Makes my stomach churn. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a cut, but the thought of blood being disgorged from the lungs really creeps me out. I told botht he nurse and the doctors when they came in. So hopefully they'll do something to help her out.

That's one of the things I love most about my job is that if the patient needs something I make sure the nurse or doctor does or gets it. I will nag and bitch until it's done. The other one is I get to do absolutely nothing and still get paid. Hell I'm getting paid right now while I type this. Ha! :)

LiveJournal for Anarchy Bytchcraft.

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